I was going to write a blog post today.
I swear I was: I had it all planned out. In fact I had three planned out: one about being a self-employed writer, and the problems with legitimised book-theft; one about the the things we notice, the stories that change us, and the stories we keep to ourselves; and one, which keeps getting pushed to the side by other, louder posts, about my hair but which is really still about writing, I promise.
None of them are happening today.
Instead I want to take a minute to remind you, whoever and wherever you are, that it's ok if sometimes everything is a bit too much. Perhaps you don't need this reminder. If not, that's great.
You can close this window and get on with your life secure in the knowledge that you aren't missing a single useful thing.
If you do need it, though. Or if you just sort-of wonder if you might...
If sometimes the things that should be easy aren't, and the things that should come easily don't, and just lifting your head off the pillow seems an insurmountable challenge, then you need to know that that's ok.
It probably doesn't feel ok. In fact it probably feels about as far from ok as it is possible to get, even with an unlimited railcard and a passport good for any country in the world. It is, though.
Don't misunderstand me: I'm not saying that it's ok that you have to feel that way. It's not, and it certainly isn't fair when the world seems to be massed against you, bound and determined to make you feel that way. But when you do feel that way. When everything is just so much to deal with already that you can't bear to think of anything more than the basic tasks needed to keep yourself from drowning in the flood, it's ok to stop.
Don't do anything more than those very basic tasks.
Just stop.
Breathe. Tread Water.
Take the time to look around yourself, rest on the surface, move with the waves instead of struggling against them.
And when the storm stops raging quite so hard, when the depths and the current are no longer fighting to pull you down, then it's time to strike out for the shore.
It's ok to drop a day, it's ok to not be infallible, to let things fall, just for a little while. Take a day just to breathe.
The next day, you can get up and try it all again.
It will get better eventually. I promise.
I hope you have people around you, to support you, or stand up for you, or just understand. I hope their understanding helps.
And I hope, if you don't have anyone else at all, that you know that I care, even if we've never met.
Next week I'll try to have an actual blog post for you. If I don't, it probably means that I just needed to take a day.
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